I am Like a Rock, Steady and Unchanging

-----While driving home I was thinking upon the last five years since I began putting effort toward understanding God's Word. My theology must have gone through several thousand permutations during the last few years. I went from saying I was a Calvinist (but really not knowing what that meant and actually being very Arminian) to actually being one. I went from viewing this life from somewhat of a charismatic mindset (that is what happens when an immature Christian reads a book from the used book store because it is recommended by a member of the Newsboys) to being completely anti-charismatic to being a little softer in my stand. I went through various stages of legalism to having an appreciation for Christian freedom. I went from having a futurist eschatology to prescribing to partial-preterism. The list could go on and on, but my theology isn't really the point.

-----I realized that there were two things about me that managed to stay the same through all this. First, I have always been right (no matter what my position) and willing to think others were clueless for not thinking what I think. Second, I have always been awesome for being so smart (at least in my own mind). This was a disgusting realization. It would be nice to say any of this has changed, but it has not. I still cannot believe that people are dumb enough to hold views that I held two years ago. What a wretched man am I. “The fear of the LORD is hatred of evil. Pride and arrogance... I hate (Proverbs 8:13).”

I Been Lookin' A Lot Like Baal These Days

Time is a talent, or something like that, according to the quote by Jonathan Edwards (or was it Martin Luther?) that someone taped to the inside of the bathroom door earlier this semester. Whoever it was and whatever they said, their point was clear: time is something that we are given stewardship over. I for one am a wicked steward of this precious gift. God has given me, at this time in my life, enough time to comfortably do all I need to do in any given day. Despite this, however, I find myself often staying up late nights, which often leads to getting up early in the morning and pushing Bible reading and prayer to the evening.

None of this would happen if I was not continually wasting time on the Internet. (The Internet is such an amazing blessing. I cannot believe how media and information have become so streamlined and customizable and readily available these days. Have you seen Photosynth?) I cannot blame the Internet for my poor use of time, however. I am keenly aware that my attention span for work is disgustingly low. I simply do not want to work. I want to put it off just ten more minutes, and, once I have finally started, I feel like I have earned a break after ten minutes of work.

I think all of this is a sign that I need to be more satisfied in what God has given me to do. I should not look at work as an unfortunate thing, but as the grace of God. Imagine that I should be allowed to be creative and productive like my Father in heaven! I remember that He had a ration of 6 to 1 of work to rest. I definitely don't shine forth that character. Perhaps I worship Baal, the one who gets so distracted in his musings and content in his rest that, no matter how much I cut myself, he won't get off his lazy butt.